New xanga. If you love me, you'll subscribe to me.

www.xanga.com/Duct_Tape_Whore

New layout. Dont get use to it. It may not be like that long. Im going to change the song. Give me some suggestions on changing the layout and such.

Got to see Shane today. Happy. I love you Shane.

Ill write more later. When Im less tired.

-Nikki

-Edit-

Changed the song.

Trapt - When All Is Said And Done

Hope you like the new shit. If not. Fuck you. (I dont really give a shit either way but oh well.)

Love you Shane.

%.Flaw - Recognize.%

I lied. Shit isnt getting better. I was lying to myself thinking that Id believe it and that it would happen. Hah. Bullshit. Oh yes, everything is going wonderful...

Me: Well
Me: My mom really doesnt feel like driving all the way there
Me: So we should try to think of something
Me: Cos I feel guilty
Him : She picked a great fucking time to decide that
Him : meh
Him : it doesnt matter
Me: -sigh
Him : At least you dont have to wake up early now...
Me: I didnt care about that anyways
Me: This sucks
Him : yea...
Me: Damn guilt
Him : dont worry about it nikki
Me: I dont want to be in public or anything though
Him : i know...
Him : so we're probably fucked now
Him : meh
Him : great...
Me: Dont sound so fucking happy
Him : meh
Him : Im fine
Me: Maybe if your mom wasnt such a lazy bitch she'd come up with something
Him : haha
Me: -sighs
Him : well
Him : maybe we should just say fuck it
Me: Wonderful plan
Him: well what else is there?
Me: Fine fuck it
Him : meh
Him : dont be so happy about it
Me: dude
Me: this means we arent seeing each other for a long ass time
Me: And that whole you coming here in the spring idea
Me: I might be in fuckin tenn. with mike
Him : oh
Him : i see
Him: Well
Him : Would one more time actually do shit?
Him : Would it?
Him : it wouldnt
Him : it would still suck like hell when i went home
Him : so whats the fucking point?
Me: alright fine
Me: Your decision
Him: meh
Him : who gives a fuck anyways....the way we're going we arent going to last much longer anyways....
Him : meh
Him : im gonna be pessimistic somewhere else...i know you dont like it

Oh yes...Life is going wonderfully...

I just woke up man...And Im already fucking crying...

ITS TOO FUCKING EARLY FOR THIS SHIT

Im okay...Yup. Not going to cut the hell out of myself. Not going to be weak and kill myself...

Ah fuck it. Too many knives in this house to resist...

Last night was nice...I talked to Mike for a couple of hours. I actually felt like I had a true friend again...

Fuck...Im just going to go lay in the middle of the street and hope I get hit...

Have a Wonderful Fucking Day.

-raVen-

%.The Offspring - Self Esteem.%

Yup. Nothing interesting has happened. 

 I went to the mall with Orlando the other day. Jimmy was there...

Mike is getting his license in Febuary. He said he'd come up to visit me in the spring. I cant wait to see him again.

Im bored...Shane isnt online...

I just puked a couple minutes ago...Blah...That was the nastiest food Ive eaten in awhile....

I dont have much more to say...

Everything is going semi-good...I suppose...

-raVen-

Currently Playing Smile Empty Soul By Smile Empty Soul see related

Hmm...Im not quite sure where to start. I have so many thoughts running through my mind...

Couldnt sleep last night...Id wake up every hour shaking, clutching my pillow in a cold sweat, barely breathing. I cant remember any of the nightmares though. I do remember parts of them. They were all very bloody. Id usually end up covered in his blood with the pistol shaking in my hands...

Ashley has the same nightmare...Only about the guy she is in love with...

I dont understand it...Why would I kill, the only thing I love? Why?

I thought I had rid myself of the part that hates him...Maybe I didnt...Maybe I only buried it deep within the darkness of my mind...

Im not going to sleep...

I cant close my eyes...for more then a few seconds...the images start to play over and over again...When I blink....I see flashes of the blood soaked walls and of my bloody hands...the pistol shaking...

::sighs:: Im still shaking...I feel really cold...and no matter how many blankets I wrap around me.... Im still freezing...

I love you Shane...

-raVen-